When you're divorcing and you have young children, you and your spouse or a judge will decide the custody arrangement. However, if your children are older and fully understand the situation facing your family, it may be worthwhile to give your children a say in what their ideal scenario might be. While you should make it clear that they don't have the final decision, giving them a chance to express their thoughts on the situation may be a good move. Here are some reasons to have this conversation.
It Empowers Them
Children can often feel like passengers on a wild ride when their parents are divorcing. The divorce is likely occurring for a reason that relates to the children, so the children can feel very helpless as they watch the situation unfold. When your children are old enough, it's nice to be able to empower them to some degree by asking them what their preferred custody situation might be. This simple and important question can pull your children from the sidelines where they might feel invisible into the discussion and have them feeling as though their opinions count.
It May Shift Your Mindset
Although lots of parents know their children, they can't always say that they can predict every decision that their kids will make. You may feel that you know what's best for your children, and may be leaning toward a certain type of custody arrangement. However, when you invite your children to share their opinions, you might be surprised to hear an angle that you hadn't considered. It can be a good feeling to make the decision based, at least in part, on your children's preference — especially if it is something you hadn't considered.
No One Will Assign Blame
If you or your spouse doesn't get your preferred custody arrangement, it's easy to blame the other person. Perhaps you feel as though he or she fabricated details about you in court or strong-armed you to agree to a plan that was in his or her best interests. This feeling of blame can further hurt your relationship, which can be difficult when you have children. When you let your children have an input on the situation, you'll find that you won't be blaming your spouse and he or she won't be blaming you. And, since you both want what is best for your kids, no blame will be assigned to them, either.
Contact a firm like Kleveland Law for additional assistance and information.
Share
